Bereavement

The death of someone close to you can bring a complex mix of emotions. Bereavement is what we experience when we lose someone. This starts a process called grieving, where we experience a range of emotions whilst we come to terms with the loss.

Five stages of grief

When we are grieving, we go through the five stages of grief.  This is a normal reaction to loss.

You may experience the stages in a different order, or your grief process may look different to someone else’s. The five stages are:

1.    Denial – This stage may be characterised by feeling numb or living your life as if nothing has changed. During this stage, you may acknowledge the passing of a loved one but you may not have realised the effect the loss has on your life.

2.    Anger – Anger is a natural reaction to bereavement as death can seem unjust and unfair. You may get angry at yourself, the person who has died or close family and relatives.

3.    Bargaining – When someone you love dies, this is a process that is out of your control. In order to regain a sense of control, you may start making deals with yourself, or with God. This may be to help you feel better, or to prevent something similar happening in the future.

4.    Depression – Alongside grief, you may feel sad and lonely. At this stage you may experience a sense of emptiness and loss that comes in waves, over a long time.

5.    Acceptance – At this stage, you may start to process and accept what has happened. It may feel like you’re unable to fill the void left by the loss but you’re able to start moving on and living your life.

In addition to the five stages, you may feel other emotions while grieving. This is normal.

Understanding grief

In order to get through the grieving process, it’s important to acknowledge that you’re going through a difficult time. It’s understandable if you find it difficult to manage your emotions. It may feel like the pain isn’t going away, which can be difficult to accept. With time, the pain may become more manageable.

Express your feelings

It’s helpful to acknowledge how you’re feeling and to make sense of your emotions. There are many things you can do to express yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. You may want to:

●      Talk to others about what you’re going through.

●      Write down how you’re feeling. If you want to, you can show this to others to communicate how you feel.

●      Write a letter to the person you have lost and note down all of the things that you would like to say to them.

●      Use a journal to explore your feelings.

●      Use creativity to channel your emotions. This could be through art, music, or creative writing.

●      Create a memory box. Fill it with things that remind you of the good memories you had with that person, such as pictures and mementos.

Get more support

●      Child Bereavement UK - Child bereavement UK provides bereavement support for families, children and young people up to age 25. Call the helpline on 0800 02 888 40, email helpline@childbereavementuk.org or use the webchat on their site.

●      Winston’s Wish - Access bereavement advice, support, stories of other young people, podcasts, webchat and online grief support groups. Text WW to 85258 for the 24/7 crisis text message service, or call the helpline on 08088 020 021 Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm. Email ask@winstonswish.org.  

●      Cruse Bereavement Care – Hope Again - Provides information about  understanding and managing grief, and supporting others. Get support via webchat, video call, face-to-face or call the helpline on 0808 808 1677 Monday - Friday 9.30am - 5.00pm. Email hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.

●      Grief Encounter - Grief Encounter works with individuals, families, schools and professionals to offer a way through the anxiety, fear and isolation caused by grief. They provide resources, 1-to-1 counselling. Call the helpline on 0808 802 0111 weekdays 9am-9pm. Email grieftalk@griefencounter.org.uk or use the webchat on their site.